Wedding
In the Unitarian Universalist tradition, weddings may vary considerably from one couple to another. Below you'll find an order of service for a typical Unitarian Universalist wedding as I would lead it. (Wedding services by other Unitarian Universalist ministers might be substantially different.)
I am available to officiate at weddings for members and friends of the Unitarian Universalist Church in Palo Alto (UUCPA). If my schedule allows, I am available to officiate at weddings for religious liberals in the area who have no formal religious affiliation or who are unable to be married in their own church; note that it can be difficult for me to schedule weddings unless they are held at UUCPA (please see the UUCPA Web site for more information about holding your wedding here). I am happy to officiate at religious weddings for same-sex couples. — Rev. Dan Harper
Also: please see this selection of vows, words for exchanging rings, and closing words.
Prelude
[Music chosen in consultation with the musician.]
Opening words
We are gathered here today to recognize and celebrate the marriage of _______ and _______. Marriage is a bold and courageous act, one I know _______ and _______ do not undertake lightly. They are here today only after long and careful reflection. We are privileged to share this joyous event with them today, and our presence is a sign of support for this decision.
The intimate, yet public, nature of this ceremony reminds us that none of us exists in isolation. We are social beings. Our identities, even our very existence, only comes about because our family and friends, the relationships that nurture and define us. It is through community that we call into being the power of love to build bridges of human caring, to make us feel whole, to allow us to feel at home in the universe.
So it is that marriage cannot exist in isolation from family, friends, community. And so it is that I ask you, _____________ [parents or equivalent], do you welcome _______ as a member of your family circle and pledge your support to this new home?
_____________ [parents or equivalent], do you welcome _______ as a member of your family circle and pledge your support to this new home?
And I ask all who are gathered here, do you promise to support _______ and _______ in their new shared life? If so, please answer, "We do."
Prayer/ Meditation
[A different prayer/meditation could be substituted.]
Let us enter into the spirit of prayer and meditation, hearing these words from the poet Antoine de St. Exupery:
In a house which becomes a home, one hands down and another up, the heritage of mind and heart, laughter and tears, musings and deeds.
Love, like a carefully loaded ship, crosses the gulf between the generations. Therefore we do not neglect the ceremonies of our passage:
When we wed and when we die, and when we are blessed with a child; when we depart and when we return, when we plant and when we harvest.
We live not by things but by the meaning of things. It is needful to transmit the passwords from generation to generation.
Readings
Specific to the couple (I will loan you an excellent book with many excellent readingsafter our first meeting).
Reflection
Specific to the couple. I writes this reflection, or homily, after getting to know each couple.
Intention
Now we come to that part of the ceremony where each member of this couple voices their affection for each other, and where they call into being the devotion needed to sustain their marriage in the years ahead. We now engage, — with our eyes and ears, with our hearts and minds, with our bodies near one another in this place — we engage in the creation of family.
_______ and _______, it is now time to begin your passage into marriage, by declaring your intent to marry and then by making your vows to one another. You have invited us to share this wedding ceremony with you, and to witness the happiness you have found in each other. We know that the commitment between you is already strong. Are you now ready to begin your passage into marriage?
We are.
Vows
Specific to the couple. A selection of vows is available from the office of First Unitarian, or couples might choose to write their own in cooperation with the minister.
Exchange of rings
May I have _______'s ring, please? [minister holds ring in hand] The circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace. This ring is a symbol of unity, in which your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. _______, please place this ring on _______'s finger and repeat after me:
I give you this ring to wear upon your hand as a symbol of our unity.
May I have _______'s ring, please? [minister holds ring in hand] The circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace. This ring is a symbol of unity, in which your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. _______, please place this ring on _______'s finger and repeat after me:
I give you this ring to wear upon your hand as a symbol of our unity.
Pronouncement
Inasmuch as _______ and _______ have grown in knowledge and love of one another, because they have agreed in their desire to go forward in life together, seeking an ever richer, deepening relationship, and because they have pledged themselves to meet sorrow and joy as one family, we rejoice to recognize them as joined together in marriage.
Closing words
Tomorrow is unto us as a door to be opened,
as a journey, an adventure.
Tomorrow is a springtime and a harvest-time,
and the grain to be gathered is life,
and the flowers and fruit are harmony and understanding.
Amen.
Postlude
This sample wedding service should give you a good idea of what a wedding at which I officiate might be like. This service is informed by my understanding of feminist theology (i.e., when it comes to religion women are just as important as men), and it is informed by my strong support for equal marriage rights for same sex couples (i.e., the same service is used for both same-gender couples and opposite-gender couples).
This wedding service contains material gathered from many sources. The prayer/meditation is copyrighted by Antoine de St. Exupery, and is included here under fair use provisions of copyright law (excerpt, consisting of less than 500 words, of a longer work). All other material is in the public domain to the best of our knowledge; if any copyrighted material is included here in error, please notify me so that I may credit the copyright holder. And you are perfectly welcome to copy this service and use it yourself!